by SARINA DORIE
tooth fairy by wakefielddavid | Flickr
1. The tooth fairy will only come if you put a real tooth under your pillow. No fakes from dentures. Not a dog's either. If you really want to impress her, use ones with gold fillings like I do.
2. Hide a net under your pillow. Don’t try handcuffs. She’s not into that.
3. Set the mood with candles. Sure, you can use a nightlight, but this will make her think you’re twelve. The candles will also help her see how much effort you put into flossing and brushing your teeth.
4. Apply cologne. I have it from a good source she likes Old Spice.
5. Wait until she reaches under the pillow to give you a quarter to open your eyes. That is the moment to lean in for a kiss.
6. Whatever you do, don't disappoint her. She came for a tooth. She’s leaving with one. You don’t want her taking one from your mouth—like she did with mine.
7. If at first you don't succeed, remember, you still have thirty-one more teeth and a pair of pliers.
Sarina Dorie has sold over 180 short stories to markets like Analog, Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Fantasy Magazine, Orson Scott Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show, and Abyss and Apex. Her stories and published novels have won humor contests and Romance Writer of America awards. She has over sixty novels published, including her bestselling series, Womby’s School for Wayward Witches. A few of her favorite things include: gluten-free brownies (not necessarily glutton-free), Star Trek, steampunk aesthetics, fairies, Severus Snape, Captain Jack Sparrow and Mr. Darcy. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: www.sarinadorie.com.