by DANIELLE RESH
Baby Toss by Shane Gorski | Flickr
I would not advise it, but if you happen to find yourself irrevocably in the position of having to care for one of the horrid things, there are a few techniques you should be aware of beforehand.
When you place your pointer finger on the structure protruding from its face and intone “bop!”, a small squealing sound will emerge. Now, you can either repeat the provoking action and achieve the desired effect again, or you can leave it alone in its highchair and go fix yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
If you choose the latter, expect the following:
It will begin as a small squeaking noise. Then, like a train chugging closer, the screech will grow and grow until it is all you can hear. An abyss will swallow its face. If you peer in, you will see a black hole, and maybe a few cheerios.
by RAYFOX EAST
Advice for Submitting to Literary Magazines
in the Coming Totalitarian Dystopia
Daniel Paul, McSweeney's
Summer Reading / Santi Garcia- Flickr
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