by ADAM BRECKENRIDGE
Memorial to Napoleon by Mustang Joe | Flickr
“Ha! I am bigger than this island,” Napoleon said the first time he stared up at St. Helena’s tilting cliffs, then tried to prove it by embracing the dirt and, when that didn’t work, rolled around in it instead. He stood up, then approached a peasant saddling a horse.
“I am bigger than that horse, don’t you see?” he said.
“Of course you are, sir,” the peasant replied.
Napoleon responded by unleashing the most heinous fart ever heard on the island.
“Curse that Duke of Wellington,” he screamed, “perfuming me with his flatus!” He jumped on the horse. “Away to my prison,” he shouted at it, then, when it refused to move, got down and started walking.
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in the Coming Totalitarian Dystopia
Daniel Paul, McSweeney's
Summer Reading / Santi Garcia- Flickr
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