Blog Posts

The Rock in Your Shoe

10/4/2020

by DAVID HAMMOND

rock on by Eric Chu | Flickr

Hello, up there!

I'm the rock in your shoe.

But I’m not just any rock. I’m a piece of primordial chondrite, formed from stardust in the earliest days of the solar system. Days? Scratch that. There were no days back then, because there wasn’t an Earth yet. I’m that old. Think about that for a second while you chew on your Clif bar and look out over the Shenandoah Valley.

Do I have your attention? I’m digging into the arch of your foot, but you lift your leg and do a little dance to shake me into the toe of the boot. Your two-year-old son in the baby backpack awakens from his snooze and laughs. “Papa,” he says, “Papa, more dance.” Don’t worry, little one, I’m not done with Papa yet. I work my way around to the big toe and apply my sharper end to the tender spot just below the nail. The little boy laughs as his grumbling steed does another jig.

Message for Item #095742

9/19/2020

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by EMILY WEBER

Cheetos by Mr. Brian | Flickr

Look. I know you’ve been waiting. Pretty patiently, I guess. The trendy thing to do nowadays is to be grateful instead of apologetic. Like if you’re twenty minutes late to work and your work husband Jeremy has to cover for you, again, you’re supposed to go, “Thank you for telling Melinda that I was in the locker room so I didn’t get stuck on the customer service desk again as punishment” instead of being all, “Sorry I made you lie for my tardy ass again.” Personally, I don’t say either. Jeremy doesn’t care. Melinda doesn’t care. The only people who care are just keeping score to make sure they’re still better than you. But you’re supposed to be grateful. Which I have been, of course. Gratitude is the only rational response to a 2,000 percent markup on a Cheeto. Overall, you’ve been kind about this whole thing, considering we both know the Cheetos you’ve been ordering from me are fake. Not fake…sculpted? Altered? That’s fair: let’s say they were altered.

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Professional Boundaries

9/6/2020

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by JOHN ADAMS

tin roof frozen custard by stu_spivak | Flickr

“Six, eight.” Kaelyn’s glossy fingernail ran from one lit elevator button to the other.

“What?” Lis asked, more from habit than interest.

“Today’s date. June 8th.”

Lis scooped her hair into a scrunchie. “Huh.”

“June 8th,” Kaelyn repeated, drawing out the date. “Like I was saying: International Best Friends Days.”

Lis’ face flashed a second of ‘This shit again?’ before offering another “Huh.”

The man caught between them shot Kaelyn a quick, embarrassed look before shuffling to the front of the elevator.

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Life in Lockdown with Cupcakes

8/23/2020

by J. L. HARLAND

Miss G Thumb by Justin Carmody | Flickr

‘Where the hell have you been?’

Steven shrugged when he saw Dad’s frowning face. ‘Just went to the shop.’ He looked at the floor and leaned against the wall. Best to look casual, unfazed. Hope the storm passed.

‘Don’t lean against that wall. It’s just been decorated. I hope you didn’t get close to anyone. Grandma’s vulnerable and she –‘

Grandma appeared like the genie in the lamp. She winked at Steven.

‘Shut up, Paul. I asked the lad to go. Get some ciggies for me. I ran out.’

Spoiled

8/8/2020

by P. L. WATTS

horse drawn carriage by beexxohh | Flickr

They’re meant to have left for the hunt nearly an hour hence, but the child has still not emerged from her room. Typical. She must know she’s holding up the entire household—and how important this is to her father. Marguerite steals another glance at the Monsieur. His face is stormy; his immaculate black shoes tap the floor with increasing impatience. Marguerite would go find the child herself if it wouldn’t mean crossing his line of vision . . .

She shivers.

After what feels like a fortnight, Mellian finally arrives. The room freezes.

She is the vainest child Marguerite has ever known, but today her hair hangs limp and stringy. Dark circles ring her eyes. And she is wearing an absurd brown dress that makes her look sallow and ill. Where did she even get such a thing? A tension headache mounts Marguerite’s shoulders. She looks at Marais, again. His jaw clenches.

Traffic

7/26/2020

by NEVA BRYAN

Walther PPS by Brandon Jasper | Flickr

The exotic dancer is more exotic than most. She has a vestigial tail that rests just above her butt crack.

It hangs over a wisp of translucent fabric that could optimistically be called a thong. The tail is a little nub about the length of my pinky finger. When the dancer wiggles it, her glitter- dusted tail shimmers pink and silver beneath the stage lights. The music is loud. Throbbing. Perfect for the way she dances.

Her stage name is Cosmic Flickers. From the looks of the crowd, she’s the club’s most popular dancer.

This whole scene makes me want to puke. I have to remind myself that I’m here to find my sister.

A Fitting Tribute

7/12/2020

by TIM FRANK

shadow boxing by abby chicken | Flickr

Jimmy Ward shadowboxed in his bedroom as the morning light seeped through the blinds creating a dense silhouette. His joints were weak but he still had the moves.

“You'll damage the lining,” said his wife, Ruby, appearing at the door. “It's the best suit we could afford and you're bulging at the seams as it is. Hey, what's wrong champ?”

“I don't want to go the market, I hate that place,” he said lowering his arms and crossing them defensively.

“No, Jimmy, have you forgotten already?” Ruby said, fiddling with his blood red tie. “We're going to see the Queen at Buckingham Palace. You're going to be honoured.”

“Oh, oh, yes, I remember now, the Queen.”

Playing the Dying Game

7/4/2020

by Harri B. Cradoc

Coronavirus by Tim Dennell | Flickr

“Let’s just say I don’t like taking showers alone,” said the man on the waiting room sofa.

The tousle-haired woman in the corner chair near the potted plant had picked out a wrinkled leaf of the variegated Schefflera and was attempting to straighten its lifeline. She rubbed the plant’s golden spots between one thumb and finger, and then, with a momentary tug at her facemask, uncovered a smile that stretched her twilight red lips. They pursed like a last kiss of the sun.

“Those yellow marks don’t come off,” he said.

“No? This is what I do to make everything be right again. Rubbing is the key.”

As Sleeping Dogs Lie

6/20/2020

by PHOENIX DESIMONE

Slumber Party by Todd Dwyer | Flickr

I awoke to the dog tickling my feet with his tongue. The sun was peaking in through the blinds. The girl in my bed was beautiful – from the sparkles between her blonde locks, to her blue eyes and matching socks. The only problem was I didn’t remember her name, let alone what game I could have played to get her home last night.

It was a cause for celebration no less; I wasn’t the best with the ladies. I was okay, better than most – I would start a conversation but after that I had no idea which direction to go. I’d think of clever things to say to get them to come home with me, but typically, nothing would happen. Smiles would be exchanged, sometimes even numbers, but more than likely the two of us would never see each other again.

Some Who Wander

6/7/2020

by REBECCA GOMEZ FARRELL

Trail Sign by Lunchbox Larry | Flickr

An undecipherable sign beckons from the bottom of a neglected, steep pathway between houses. Ignoring the omen of long-forgotten patio chairs at the trail's summit, I grip the solitary, damp guardrail and descend. Cold air mists my skin. I soft-shoe over disintegrating, ivy-covered asphalt and a decade's worth of crushed eucalyptus leaves. Four wooden stairs spill down to the end, a finish line I must cross. They prove slicker than the mud, slipping away along with my balance. Bruises bloom before my feet slam against the sign's metal pole, halting my downhill careen.

125, 135, 509

5/30/2020

by EMILIAN WOJNOWSKI

M by Alexander Mueller | Flickr

Life is like traveling by bus. We get on and off it at different stops—sometimes at those we don't want to, not necessarily due to absent-mindedness—and the further we go, the more we pay. Sometimes we get stuck in traffic jams, join wrong passengers, or lose tickets. Or the bus does not come.

The above thinking occurred to me at… a bus stop. Thoughts then are mosquitoes, and heads—if free of problems, social media, and music—are camping lanterns.

It was windy, so I sat under a shelter. I was simply waiting, with my hands in my pockets and my head leaned on a rolled-up viscose scarf.

Freezer World

5/15/2020

by TIMOTHY HENNUM

time for a freezer nap by hypersapiens | Flickr

The moment the door sealed shut behind me I understood the freezer people wanted me dead.

Here’s a bit of advice: Never trust a person who willingly locks themselves in a freezer because the world as we know it is over. And when I say over, I mean done, cooked, burnt to a crisp and never coming back. No electricity, no cars, no twitter, no turkey subs, no elevators. Whoever survives whatever comes next will eat dirt and ash and walk everywhere and take the stairs. But not stairs inside buildings because buildings as we once knew them are gone, melted, dissolved into nothing but nuclear dust. Whoever survives whatever comes next will live in huts made of nuclear mud.

Or walk-in freezers.

My Grandpa's Tremories / The Pinecone Wars

4/26/2020

by LEE DOUGLAS

West Virginia Road Trip by geoff dude | Flickr

My Grandpa's Tremories

“That’s how they getcha,” Grandpa whispered in sync with Kevin Bacon. “They’re under the got damned ground.”

I grinned, loving the moment.

“Sons of bitches,” Grandpa mimed cocking a rifle in time with Kevin. He raised it to his cheek, aiming at the TV. “Boom!”

I slap the couch. “You get it every time.”

“Kevin hits it every time,” Grandpa leaned back in his ancient recliner, folding his hands across his belly. His eyes flicked toward me, curious. Then they lit up with recognition. “Kevin! Want to watch Tremors?”

It was the third time he’d asked. “Of course, Grandpa.”

Fame

4/12/2020

by TOTI O'BRIEN

Utah Rocks by Lisa Cyr | Flickr

I began the sculpture with little in mind, trying to focus but incapable of true articulation. I always arrived at the lab exhausted by daily cares, only wishing to lose myself in my gestures, thinking possibly of nothing. That would work, in this particular case, as the instructor had requested a cluster of primary shapes inspired by a common theme. I could let my hands go, unworried of a final design that I would figure later. I started patting blocks of clay into spheres, halving them for easier handling. I smoothed, then reassembled them two by two.

I was thinking of rocks. Stone formations that I knew from my childhood—huge calcareous concretions, large boulders with a moonlike feel. By association, I recalled the mighty profiles of cactuses crowding those same mesas and plains, neatly matching the harshness of the granite terrain. My young eyes had long wandered over such lunar forms, greens and greys cut against too cloudless blue skies, burned out by a triumphant sunlight. I had loved them as kids love the first things they discover, explore, recognize—beyond limits, I mean. For me cactuses were creatures of power and grace, which I worshipped.

Routine

3/29/2020

by RICHARD LEISE

IMG_0418 by Abigail Batchelder | Flickr

A toddler falls from a balcony. It takes a moment—there is no commotion, no gathering crowd; there is, after looking up, no sound—but in time (you slowly walk closer until, incredibly, you make out impossible human features, a leg uncertainly angled) you realize that the girl isn’t a garbage bag, that she isn’t a pile of clothing and that, somehow, there, on the sidewalk, like a cat struck by a car, is a child, and not just any child, but that little girl who waves every morning on your walk to work.

That she’s alive? This doesn’t cross your mind.

Earlier.

Dakota Travis, Saurallero Extraordinaire

2/23/2020

by DAWN VOGEL

Triceratops by Miroslav Petrasko | Flickr

Today, we mourn the passing of Dakota "Trike" Travis, at the age of ninety-seven-years-young. Trike was a loving family man, legendary animal wrangler and stuntman, and perhaps best known to the public for his saurallero achievements on Chengillon. In addition to his long and storied career behind the scenes in Hollywood, Travis assisted with great strides in scientific enquiry into, communication with, and shepherding of the dinosaur inhabitants of Chengillon.

Travis was born in western Colorado on one of the few remaining twenty-third century horse ranches. Family legend claims Travis was born in the stables themselves, though his biographers suspect this may be an exaggeration. Growing up in such an environment, his pursuits naturally turned to animal wrangling, from which he made his career. He met his wife, Hollywood starlet Alexis Knight, on the set of "The Saddle and the Senorita," one of his first big wrangling jobs. Together, they helped revitalize the spaghetti western genre for the twenty-third century while raising their four children, Marram, Senkyo, Dyssodia, and Abalos.

The Megamolecular Diamond Destabilizer

1/31/2020

by CHARLIE ROGERS

Diamond Mine by Kelly Michals | Flickr

If I’m being honest, this is not how I expected my day to go.

I regain consciousness in a place that is not my hotel room, with my hands fastened behind my back, strapped to a frigid metal chair. I’m in my tighty-whities and the rest of my clothes are very much missing. Looking around, I find my girlfriend, Amelia, next to me, unconscious and bound in the same fashion, but she’s wearing winter hiking gear. Did I get that for her? We always plan to take hiking trips more or ever. I’m an aspirational gift-giver, so, maybe?

I give my head a quick shake. Focus.

The Proposition

1/20/2020

by LEAH MUELLER

The Manhattan... by Glenn Dettwiler | Flickr

If your uncle yammers for hours about alcoholism, and how it fucked up the entire family, you don’t expect him to take you to a dive bar afterward.

My uncle Henry did just that. Crazy Scorpio guy. Henry was obsessive and had the goods on everybody. The previous evening, he’d driven me around my grandmother Mildred’s neighborhood, pointing out the hidden skeletons behind every door. Mildred lived in the tony North Bay section of Racine, Wisconsin. She played bridge with Johnson Wax executives and voted a straight Republican ticket.

Henry pulled up in front of the most expensive house on the block and idled for a full minute. “Real can of worms in this place,” he said, without elaborating.

No Law Against It

12/22/2019

by ROBERT KIBBLE

thierry Ehrmann : il est interdit d'interdire | Flickr

“What do you mean, I’m out of credit? Already?” Jeb looked at the card, as if by looking it would become loaded again. As if it would turn from a purple ex-offender-release-credit card into one of the prized worker cards with their silver trim.

“Maybe, sir, you should get a job,” said the waiter, stepping towards the door.

“What job? There are no stinking jobs.”

“You won’t get anything out of him, Jeb,” said Ray. “Come on.” Ray put a hand on Jeb’s shoulder.

“I was better off inside,” said Jeb, still staring at the card. “At least we got filling meals.”

Ray pulled harder. “Well maybe you should have thought about that before you went before that parole board.”

Traffic Stop

11/11/2019

by P. JO ANNE BURGH

Squad Car @ The Bridge by GunnerVV | Flickr

Okay, Officer, you know, ordinarily I’d be happy to give you my license and registration, because I’m a very law-abiding citizen, born right here in the U.S. of A, no questions about that—not that I have any issues with people coming into the country from other places because, you know, my grandparents all came over from Ireland, and my parents were born here, and so was I, which means there isn’t any question about me being legal and legit and all—oh, right, the license and registration, well, you see, this is kind of awkward because I don’t exactly have my purse with me right now, and this isn’t exactly my car—I mean, it’s not stolen or anything like that, it belongs to my boyfriend Jim, so I can drive it whenever and it’s totally okay with him, except maybe not so much right now because he’s with that slut—oh, shit, I’m sorry,

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