Intrinsick
  • Stories
  • Lowdown

My Grandpa's Tremories / The Pinecone Wars

4/26/2020

 
by LEE DOUGLAS
Picture
West Virginia Road Trip by geoff dude | Flickr

​My Grandpa's Tremories

​

“That’s how they getcha,” Grandpa whispered in sync with Kevin Bacon. “They’re under the got damned ground.” 

I grinned, loving the moment. 

“Sons of bitches,” Grandpa mimed cocking a rifle in time with Kevin. He raised it to his cheek, aiming at the TV. “Boom!” 

I slap the couch. “You get it every time.” 

“Kevin hits it every time,” Grandpa leaned back in his ancient recliner, folding his hands across his belly. His eyes flicked toward me, curious. Then they lit up with recognition. “Kevin! Want to watch Tremors?” 

It was the third time he’d asked.  “Of course, Grandpa.” 
​
My father stomped in, crossing his arms across his chest in a poor imitation of his father. “Dad, you know you shouldn’t be watching this.” He turned his crossed arms to me. “And so do you. It gets his heart rate up.” 

“Quiet,” Grandpa said. “What are you doing in my house?” 

My father pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m Clark. Your son.” 

Grandpa stuttered. “No, my son is in Boston.” 

Father punched the power on the TV. “Kevin, no Tremors.” 

“Kevin?” Grandpa smiled at me. “Wanna watch Kevin Bacon shoot some monsters? We don’t have to tell your father.”

“How ‘bout Wheel of Fortune?”  I ask. 

Grandpa leaned forward. “He doesn’t have to know.”

My father’s face turned red, then his body sagged as if he were being dragged down into the sand by a worm monster from the movie his father loved. He hit the power button. Kevin Bacon’s sharp face appeared.  

“Get them suckers, Kevin,” Grandpa whispered. 

Father sank onto the couch next to me. “Let’s do this, Kevin.” 
​

I grinned, loving.


The Pinecone Wars

I remember the pain and delight of growing up in the 1990s and the war that defined them. This war, like many, had more than two sides. More was fought for than only wrong or right. And where there were Conifers there were battlefields. 

The corner of Lathrop and Poplar was a particularly brutal site. Skirmishes broke out there nearly every Sunday. Whistling pinecones were only silenced by church bells pleading for peace before the service. 

Like every war, casualties were high. A pinecone in the eye ended the sweaty summer Battle for Turkey Creek. A fractured wrist installed a distrustful truce until the wounded used their wrist sling as a compartment to hide ammo. The espionage was a success for the wounded, but it led to the unmerciful massacre at Stonewall Park. 

It was a messy war. The conflict was born of many things. Sometimes anger, sometimes jealousy, many times boredom. And, if all parties were honest with one another, it was fought out of joy. 

Unlike some wars, this one ended. 

The final pinecone thrown in the Pinecone War of the 90s was anything but spectacular. The pinecone struck its target and fell on the pine needles. The victim only fired back with a volley of words. Words more deadly than any speeding cone and more painful than any broken bone. 

I remember those words that brought the decade long conflict to an abrupt end. 

“Grow up.” 

===> ​Take Me to the River

Lee Douglas has an MFA in creative writing from Lindenwood University. His work has appeared in See Spot Run, Liquid Imagination, and the Whispering Prairie Press among other publications. Lee is the kind of guy that spends his quarantine drunk and panic editing his prose and poetry into oblivion. When there's not a global pandemic he's usually in a library panic editing his prose and poetry into oblivion. ​

Comments are closed.
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Recommended
    ​Readings 
    Picture
    Slurpie Safari
    ​Sorrel Westbrook-Wilson
    Bartleby Snopes
    Picture
    domo slurpee / Rakka / Flickr

    Monthly Archives

    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    September 2017
    April 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015


    Picture
    Intrinsick 1.0
    Picture
    Intrinsick 2.0
    Picture
    ​© Intrinsick 2015-2021
    ​​ISSN 2475-2525


​Free Stories via Email
Official Masthead HERE

Listed at Duotrope
​ISSN 2475-2525
Donate so we can pay contributors
Picture
​​© Intrinsick MMXV-MMXXII
all rights reserved​